In case you’re a people music aficionado, you could be accustomed to this line: “Talking strictly for me, we each may have died then and there.”
It is from singer-songwriter Joan Baez’s 1975 track “Diamonds and Rust,” extensively regarded as impressed by Baez’s relationship with Bob Dylan. And in line with bestselling creator Susan Cain, it holds the important thing to creating tough conversations lots simpler.
The creator appeared on Simon Sinek’s “A Little bit of Optimism” podcast final month to debate her newest e book, “Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Makes Us Entire,” which focuses on the ability of a bittersweet, melancholic frame of mind.
The track’s lyrics actually qualify as bittersweet, however the line’s most rhetorically helpful side is extra about that line’s first 4 phrases, Cain mentioned: “Talking strictly for me.”
Sinek backed her up: “Are you able to think about if each opinion that somebody expressed, political or in any other case, began with ‘Talking strictly for me?’ How disarming that’s, but in addition how open-minded that’s.”
That straightforward phrase does a number of key issues directly, by Cain and Sinek’s estimation — all of which may help when navigating tough conversations.
For starters, it mirrors the oft-recommended “I” over “you” statements that relationship counselors speak about. Usually, “I” statements — like “I really feel” and “I feel” — are seen as soliciting extra constructive responses than accusatory “you” statements, although there’s some debate to the idea’s one-size-fits-all effectiveness.
“In case you say ‘I really feel this manner,’ it is heard in a a lot better means than ‘You at all times do that,'” Cain mentioned. “‘Talking strictly for me’ is one other model … of an ‘I’ assertion.”
Due to that, the phrase can put a listener comfy. “Their shoulders chill out as quickly as they hear that phrase,” Cain mentioned. “Nothing precisely is required of me proper now. All I’ve to do is hear.”
Equally, utilizing “talking strictly for me” gives the individual you are speaking to with a condensed instruction guide on the way you need them to reply, Sinek mentioned.
“When we’ve a tough dialog with someone the place we want them to carry area, there’s an expectation that they’ve the ability set on methods to maintain area,” he mentioned. “After I say ‘Talking strictly for me,’ I am giving them directions and clues on methods to maintain area.”
Lastly, the phrase may help in conversations the place each individuals are at the least partially “proper.” By making your aspect of the argument clear, saying “talking strictly for me,” may help embody a few of that grey space.
“What [the phrase] does is … it permits a dialog of bitterness, unhappiness, hardness, it permits these conversations to be acquired as they’re meant,” Sinek mentioned, reasonably than as accusations or judgments.
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